I went a little crazy with signing up for newsletters relating to my pregnancy- the first couple weeks I loved reading the multiple emails about what was happening with the baby, and symptoms I would be experimenting, and all that jazz. I loved checking my email!
After I miscarried, I was still on vacation and then went to a family reunion, that following week I logged onto my email- dozens of pregnancy emails staring me in the face. I quickly deleted them and pushed them out of my memory, until of course- they came back a few days later with the next week's email of information.
I then un-subscribed to every since one in hopes to not have the constant reminder of the miscarriage. I was still getting some, but not all of them. When I would come across one, I would again un-subscribe to it. It didn't really make me upset like the emails used too and after fighting with the emails for a few months to unsubscribe, I finally gave up. One constantly still emails me once a week, even after unsubscribing a dozen times so now I just delete it before opening it. No harm, no foul...
That was, until today. It caught my eye for some reason, maybe having the title be "You're full term! Baby can come now" made it stand out way more then the normal "Your week XX report". I would be full term...I would be about to pop "any day now"...I would be stressing about all the little details that I still have to finish.
I would, I would, I would but you know what? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
The middle of my would-be pregnancy didn't seem to affect me too much, but the closer it gets to my would-be due date, the more upset I find myself getting. I dont know what to do to help it but it just sucks.
I hate seeing emails telling me that I'm full term when I am the complete opposite of "ready to pop". I dread opening my email because I know a few times a week I will see something like "4 more weeks!", or "Signs of labor" emails...
Now that homecoming is getting closer (yay), I think I'm just overall more emotional. I'm so anxious and excited for him to come and I'm getting more upset about the miscarriage at the same time...
I keep reminding myself that in 2 short months, I can very well be pregnant...but in that same thought I remember that in 1 short month, we should have a new born...
Ugh, its gonna be one of those weeks...
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I'm sorry you're going through this hun :( Just remember that the excitement with him coming home means the excitement to try again. But I know you'll never forget the one you lost. I'm thinking of you (((hugs)))
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteI know how you're feeling. I somehow got on baby/pregnancy magazine mailing lists and dread checking the mail now. I hope the rest of your week gets better. If you want to get together and talk I'm always here!