"The most memorable people in life will be the friends who loved you when you weren't very lovable."
I saw this quote on someone's facebook and it just spoke to me...I had copied it down and put it in my drafts right before deployment began and had full intentions on coming back later that week to write about it...but I got busy and forgot. Then all my recent posts pushed this draft onto another page so "out of sight, out of mind".
I found it though and Im so glad I did! It was just the lil snippet that I needed to see today. I have thought a lot about friendships lately. There are so many facets of friends that its impossible for me to define what I view as a friend.
Sometimes I feel that what I want out of friends might be too much to ask for but then I will look around at the people who I really consider great friends and realize they are all that I need, I don't need people who are only friends when it is convenient for them. I am notorious for befriending people and having them completely screw me over...I think it might date back to grade school and high school when I wanted lots of people around me all the time because that meant I was popular. It didn't matter if they only liked me sometimes, I was cool, and that was all that matters.
Ive always valued other people's opinions...and sometimes I take those opinions and internalize them mainly without noticing. I spent many years trying to be who I thought others would want me to be but in the last 2 years I have really focused on what and who I want to be.
In those 2 years, Ive made such strong relationships with people who have stuck by me through lots of times that I wouldn't have expected them too. After the miscarriage, I had multiple friends texting me on a regular basis just checking in to see how I was feeling or letting me know that they were thinking of me (I was still in Erie PA during that time), that small gesture just meant the world to me...during that time I also realized the friends that were blatantly missing in action. Lets just say, I was able to cut off a few "friends" from my life after that experience.
During that 1st month after the miscarriage, I was very focused on myself. I had a lot of pain and anger in me that I was working through and during that time of working on me, I didnt reach out and be the friend to others that I should be but I still had a great group of girls who still supported and were there for me even though I wasnt being the greatest friend back to them.
So to all my friends who have stood by me even when I wasn't my most "lovable", thank you so much! I really appreciate you more then any of you know!!!